You don’t need to make it this difficult. It’s only three short words. What’s the harm? Look, I don’t want to push you, but now more than ever I need some commitment from you after all this time. I know we’ve had our disagreements on various topics, but some issues are more important than a single person. I made a promise that I will uphold until the day I die, and I just need reciprocation in whatever capacity is comfortable.

Again, I’m not trying to pressure you, but your selfishness and reticence on a fundamental human response speaks volumes. Think of me. Think of my family and your family. Think of your friends. We are all counting on you to make this right. And I promise, if you say the three words, I will make it worth your while. I can forgive you and take you back. Isn’t that what you want, for us to be together forever? Just three simple words, a solemn vow.

Think about your education. I’m truly sorry that my mom, the college dean, kicked you out for your behavior, but you know how much this means to her. And I know it shouldn’t be her job to make decisions based on your personal life outside of class, but you needed a lesson in accountability, which is orders of magnitude more valuable than your degree. My mom is happy to let you back on campus and re-enroll you if you would only say the three magic words. She really does care about you and only wants the best for you, even if that means consequences for a lack of commitment. I promise I didn’t put her up to this, but you know how to make it right.

I’m sorry that my dad rescinded that job offer you accepted. He heard of our disagreement and needed to protect his own interests. I’m sure you can understand. If you can’t say a simple three-word affirmation to his daughter, he’s not comfortable hiring someone whose loyalties may be in question. But I have spoken to him, and he is willing to reinstate your offer for the small price of those three simple words. It doesn’t have to be a public production or a social media post, although those would mean the most to me. It can be in the privacy and intimacy of our own home, just as long as you mean it with all your heart.

You may not be ready for a lifelong commitment, and that’s okay. I get it; things change, and maybe you will feel differently one day. I can tell you that my feelings will never change as long as there is air in my lungs. I just need to know how you feel right now and for the foreseeable future. If you ever feel differently, and I hope you don’t, then there better be a good fucking reason.

I’m really not asking for much here. All I need from you are the three most basic, most quintessentially human words in the English language and for you to mean it. I say them to you all the time. If you do this one thing for me, I’ll put all this behind us and pretend it never happened. I’ll parade you around town as the best boyfriend in the world. I’ll plaster you all over my Instagram. I know you’re a good guy, so what do you say? Do we have a deal?

If you can’t say them all at once, just try to reason your way through it. You’ve always prided yourself on being logical and rational, so put that noggin to work. Think about the things you like. Think about the time we spend together. Think about the sense of security you’ll feel once you lift this veil of indifference. Your college degree, your future job, your girlfriend. All for the low cost of three simple words. That’s both perfectly rational and a hell of a bargain, wouldn’t you say?

You’re starting to crack and see the light. I knew you would come around. I’ll even help you out with saying it if you can’t get the words out. Let’s take that leap as a couple and say the words together. Ready? Here we go.

I. Support. Israel.