Info: 200 E Flagler St, Miami, FL 33131 – www.juliaandhenrys.com

Julia & Henry’s is a new upscale food court located in downtown Miami. Named after immortal war criminal Henry Kissinger and some bitch named Julia, the establishment hosts about two dozen vendors. From pizza to burgers to tacos to sushi, you can find all sorts of unaffordable food here. The website boasts that there are lunch options for just $20. Just imagine buying a small $20 lunch and not thinking you’re getting utterly hosed.

J&H has three levels, all approximately the same layout save for additional seating on the ground floor and a kids club on the second floor. Hey kids, go play in that room in the corner while mommy gets drunk at noon on a Saturday. I showed up at about 4:00pm on a Wednesday, so the place was probably as empty as it gets, but there were still plenty of patrons. I could list all the restaurants, but the link is above and you presumably have thumbs, eyes, and an internet connection. I went to Achar, a south Asian street food booth, and Papa, an air-fried french fry joint. Let’s see how they did. As always, I will then tell you the good shit and a nit pick about each item and rate the establishment on a scale of 1 to 5 Plops.

Achar (South Asian street food):

Burmese Noodles [Rice noodles & chicken cooked in a creamy coconut milk broth, garnished with scallions, cilantro and potato sticks. All bowls are served with red onions, garlic chips, boiled eggs, aleppo pepper, green chillis and lime] – $11

• The Good Shit: For just $11, this was one of the cheapest things on the menu, but it packed a lot of flavor. The coconut milk and curry flavors were promiment, and the noodles added some bulk do the dish to make it filling. The broth was smoky and slightly spicy, and the flavors were well-balanced.
• The Nit Pick: I think I was lied to. The description states “rice noodles and chicken,” yet there was no discernable pieces of chicken in this dish. Towards the bottom of the bowl were some chewier bits that were somewhat reminiscent of ground chicken kernels, but they were too small and infrequent to make any conclusive statements on galline presence. The menu description also promises boiled egg, and I was not able to detect any. So while $11 seems cheap, you’re really only getting coconut curry broth and rice noodles. Which, again, was very good, but the dish could have used the protein it advertized.

I will give Achar 3 Plops for this dish.

Papa (Air-fried fries):

Yummy Wasabi [Wasabi, soy, sesame, mayo, spices, Inspiration] – $7

• The Good Shit: This is an unusual topping for fries unless you are part of some pompous Asian fusion foodie club. The first and really only distinct flavor you get is the wasabi, which was not too spicy and was balanced by the mayo. If I remember correctly, these servings were a half pound, and at 2 for $11, they will probably give you the most bang for your buck at J&H if you just want a cheap and filling snack. After two servings of fries, I was plenty full.
• The Nit Pick: While the wasabi was good, no other flavors seemed to be present. Perhaps they get lost in the preparation, as premade sauces are squirted onto the fries as opposed to each ingredient being individually added, which I believe would have made for a nicer presentation. But as a man who prefers efficiency and convenience over looks, I can appreciate their decision. I could not taste the soy or sesame, and god only knows what the mysterious “spices” are. And I couldn’t quite taste the Inspiration. So overall a pretty good dish, but some of the non-wasabi flavors could have used a boost.

Crisp Papa [Coleslaw dressing, sweet relish, horseradish mayo, spices, Creativity] – $6

• The Good Shit: These were my favorite of the two fry dishes that I tried. I immediately got a pickle flavor followed by a little horseradish tingle. The coleslaw dressing and relish taste like you went wild on a deli tray. This sauce was thicker and more flavorful than the wasabi and paired better with the fries. The fries stayed crisp, and the relish added a pit of extra crunch and texture to the dish. Again, not sure what the “spices” are, but I was able to pick up the Creativity. I would certainly recommend the Crisp Papa.
• The Nit Pick: The nit pick here is in the presentation and serving. As you can see in the picture below, they are served in a thin paper pyramid and are to be eaten with a small two-tined wooden pick. I imagine this is so they can be eaten on the go, but it requires two hands. So good luck eating these while filming your shitty TikTok pranks. A vessel with a flat bottom would have been much better for in-house dining as I had to finish these without putting them down. Lastly, the wooden pick was nowhere near long enough to reach the bottom of the cones, so you’ll get to lick your dirty hands when you’re done.

I’ll give the Crisp Papa 4 Plops.

The Verdict:

If you’re a foodie who wants to sample many different foods in one place, Julia & Henry’s is the place for you. While very pricey, many of the vendors offer small dishes for reasonable prices, so you can get a little bit at a few different spots. If nothing else, it’s small enough that it’s at least worth walking through if you have 15 minutes to spare. I will likely be back to try other vendors, but for this visit, J&H gets 3 Plops.