The peak-end rule, theorized by Barbara Fredrickson and Danny Kahneman, states that we evaluate an experience based on its most extreme point and its conclusion. We instinctively judge the experience as somewhere between these points rather than some internal calculus of the intermediary highs and lows integrated across their durations. They studied this hypothesis using ice baths and colonoscopies. I know you want me to say that the happiest day of my life was my colonoscopy; but sadly I am not eligible yet despite my constant pleas to my physician.

The time will come when I must evaluate my life to determine whether my time on planet Earth has been worthwhile. Did I live up to the arbitrary guidelines of the fake organizations and institutions of which I was part? Did I accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior? Was I truly happy? So rather than mull over every decision, every stage, every accomplishment (hoping to have one someday), and every failure, let’s cut some corners and take a page from the Kahneman book.

I’m not at the end just yet, so all I can do now is evaluate the peak. I had the boneheaded idea in graduate school to work out early in the mornings before classes. On Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays, I woke up early to get to the gym when it opened for the day at 6:30 (or whenever the student employees felt like showing up). Being too stupid to get enough sleep on the nights before, a little caffeine boost in the morning would help get the weights up. I’ve never been a coffee drinker and I didn’t want to mess with preworkouts drinks and whatever amphetamines they put in those. But I had a trick up my sleeve.

I sampled a few caffeinated gums in the preceding year or two and eventually found Military Energy Gum, or MEG (hey MEG, sponsor me). With a modest 100mg of caffeine per piece, it provided just enough to get me going without sending me up a wall. The gum comes in pouches of 5 pieces, and you can buy packs of 8 or 24 pouches. And at about $0.20-$0.25 per 100mg piece, it beats any shitty coffee you can get.

On a fall morning in 2018, I reached for a new pack of MEG in my nightstand to pop a piece of their Cinnamon flavor before hitting the gym. I noticed the pack was a bit beefier than the normal 5-packs. I refused to believe there was anything wrong with my precious MEG, like when the cute girl comes back from summer break carrying an extra 30lb and you try to convince yourself that it’s just muscle or temporary bloating. Assuring myself that everything would be okay, I opened the pouch, not knowing that this moment would be used to define my life years later. I imagine it looked like movie scenes where a character opens a treasure chest, which casts a golden glow upon their incredulous face. The pouch-filler robot had shaky hands, and the QC inspector was asleep on the job, granting me with a rare double pouch of 10 pieces.

Ten for the price of five. Of my pre-workout gum. A gift from the gods. A sign that my life has meaning. Imagine a restaurant accidentally serving you two of your favorite dish, a dealership accidentally giving you two cars, a developer accidentally giving you two houses, or your girlfriend having a twin sister. Yes, I was sad when the double pack ran out of pieces shortly thereafter, but the elation I felt upon my discovery was orders of magnitude greater than any feeling of receiving a gift, scoring a touchdown, hitting a home run, or being accepted by a school or employer. The rest of that day escapes memory. I can’t tell you how my lift was, how my classes were, what I ate, or what else I did. None of that mattered. I was in a haze the remainder of the day, riding the morning high as long as I could.

The 2018 double pack was and will always be my peak. I can’t predict my end, but when my thetan moves on to its next corporeal host, I will know that I have reached the summit of the Happiness Mountain. Find your peak and hold onto it; you will recognize it when it comes to you. Once you have done that, now we can just sit back and wait for the end.